Forgive and Forget
by SheAngelus
Summary: Spike hasn't seen Buffy for four years. But when she shows back up in Suddydale, they have alot to catch up on. (*Warning: In flash backs, character death! NOT based on the TV BSD*)
1. Finding My Lover

Summary: Spike hasn't seen Buffy for four years, so when she comes and saves his drunken ass, there's alot to tell about what has happened over the years.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot.  
  
A/N: The second and third chapters are flash backs of what has happened over the four years they have been apart. Then it gets down to the reason Buffy came back to Sunnydale.  
  
______________  
  
  
  
It's Been Awhile  
  
______________  
  
  
  
Spike was sitting on the counter of a new demon bar that just opened up in Sunnydale. He was drunk and half unconsious, unaware of his surrounding. He was trying to drink away the pain he had been feeling for the past four years. Ever since he had left Sunnydale.  
  
He had had a huge fight with Buffy about her keeping him from her friends. He had left Sunnydale, just for a change of scenery and to cool off for a few months. He had tried to call Buffy many times, but she had always hung up on him. She wouldn't even let him talk to Dawn. Then, when he had come back six months later, he found no trace of any of the gang or where they had gone. Buffy's house was deserted and the Magic Box was closed. The only thing he found was a picture of Dawn that she must have left him, incase he came back.  
  
That was four years ago. He had become a drunk. Drinkng every night. He thought if the achohol could take away the pain, he would just drink a hell of a lot of it. He would walk home, if he didn't pass out on the way, and fall asleep in his bed until that night. Then he would get drunk. It was like a routine that he hasn't broken since that day he'd come back.  
  
That night, had been the worst. He was about to pass out in the bar. But he wanted to at least make it outside so he wouldn't get robbed. He started to walk out, his senses faded out because of the achohol. This is why he didn't notice someone following him.  
  
Actually, it was more like a lot of someone's. He had been playing poker with some regular kid, about 18, that wanted to be cool, so he hung with whatever big bads could tolerate him. Anyway, Spike had gotten alot of money of the kid, and he wasn't very happy. He had found out that Spike couldn't hit humans. So, he rounded up some of his big guy friends, and set out on a search for the vamp.  
  
Spike had just turned down an alley behind the Bronze. He felt like he was about to pass out, until he felt someone pin his arms behind his back as the shoved him against the wall.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell!" he cursed as he felt his nearly numb body send a sharp pain up and down his back.  
  
"You little git! Take the money. I don't care," and he really didn't. He didn't care about anything since he had lost Buffy.  
  
He felt his pocket being searched as they took all his money and any other thing he had in his coat. The guy who had him pinned against the wall turned him around so he was facing the kid. He punched Spike squarly in the jaw. Spike was happy he had gotten so drunk before, he could barley feel anything. The kid hit him agian. And again. Until Spike's face was black and blue. But Spike let him do it. It took his mind of the pain he was feeling in his heart.  
  
"You just don't give up. You bloody wanker," said Spike softly, barley consious. He didn't notice that a new person had come into veiw, but the person wasn't with the others.  
  
The person had come up behind the kid, and did a round kick to his head, knocking him out. It took out the rest of the guys in no time what-so-ever. The man that had had Spike pinned agaist the wall had left him. Spike slid down to the ground as he slipped into unconsiuosness.  
  
When the person had finished off the men left, she took a look at the vamp laying against the wall. She sighed at his bruised face. She lifted him up, putting his arm around her neck and hauled him to her car.  
  
  
  
When Spike woke up, he couldn't even tell where he was. His visoin was blurred and his head throbbed. He tried to sit up, but pain shot up his back and made his head throb even more.  
  
"Bloody hell," he cursed, laying back down. His senses were faded, so he couldn't tell if anyone else was in the room. All he knew is that his head was throbbing and the world felt like it was spinning. He tried to go back to sleep, but after about half an hour, his head ache had subsided and he could sit up. He tried to sit agianst the head of the bed. He could see where he was. An apartment. He knew it was daytime. But he noticed the curtains were drawn. He guessed one of his poker buddies and rescued him from that kid and his posse. He knew he couldn't leave, so he just tried to stand up.  
  
When he was successfully on his feet, he walked into the bathroom. He turned on the faucet and splashed cold water over his face. He felt like he was going to throw up. He needed a bootle of liquor to quench his thrist. Even though he couldn't see his face in the mirror, he knew his face was badly bruised. One eye was almost completly shut. The last time he had been this bad......  
  
He tried not to think about it. It just made his drinking worse.  
  
He went back into the room. He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands, running his hands through his unruly hair. He didn't have the money to buy any gel to keep his hair down, so he just let it go wild.  
  
He heard the door open as someone walked in. He slowly raised his head. Then he about passed out a second time.  
  
"Buffy?" 


	2. Spike's Story

"Yeah. It's me," she said, sitting down on the bed across from him. He was in complete shock. He hadn't seen her face for four years. He had so many questions and so much he wanted to know. But for the moment....he was silent.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked. He didn't look all that good with the bruises on his face. She had gotten some banadges for his cuts and pain killers, for him and her, because she knew he was going to give her hell for leaving. But she was planning on doing the same.  
  
"I don't know. I just....you were the last person I expected to see, luv."  
  
She reached out to caresse his face. He winced at her touch but didn't pull away. Her hand felt some warm to his cold skin. It had been so long since he had felt her touch. He had laid in bed, asleep, dreaming of her touch and her face.  
  
"Its been awhile. I know. You were the last person I expected to here, too." He looked at her. Really noticed her since she had stepped in. Her eyes looked old and worn. But they still shined like the first day he had met her. She had let her hair grow out.  
  
He went to stroke her hair.  
  
"You let it grow out." She looked down at her hands.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Guess I better not call you goldilocks or you'll go and cut it off again," he said with a smirk. She smiled. She looked back at his face.  
  
"You look like you haven't brushed your hair in awhile," she said, running her hand through his unruly hair.  
  
"Yeah. Didn't have the money to spend on stuff like that. I spend all my money on getting myself into a stupor every night."  
  
"I have a question," she said. She looked at the ground again.  
  
"What is it, luv?"  
  
"Why did you leave?"  
  
He was taken by surprise, even though he knew it would come up.  
  
"Why don't we just start from the beginning. Then you can tell me the same thing. Deal?" He extented his hand.  
  
Buffy looked up at his face again. She shook his hand.  
  
"Deal."  
  
~FlashBack~  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"I'm tired of it, Buffy! I'm tired of being this dirty little secret that you keep from your friends," Spike shouted.  
  
"Well maybe if you didn't love me I wouldn't have this problem!" she shouted back. She saw the hurt in his eyes and regreted it. A little.  
  
"I'm not going to stop loving you, Buffy. What ever you do, I'm not going going to stop, just because it tempts you to come and have a good shag everytime your life takes a turn for the worst."  
  
She punched him in the jaw. It sent him stumbling backwards, but he didn't fall. She tried to kick him, but he grabbed her leg and pulled her down next to him, pinning her arms above her head.  
  
"I love you Buffy. I would die for you. I would do anything for you...except this. I'm not going to let you shag me everytime something bad happens and you need something to vent your energy."  
  
Buffy mangaes to grip his wrist and roll over on top of him.  
  
"You disgust me. You go and have all this love and lust towards me and try to get me into bed with you. But when it's all over, you act like it's all me fault. That I just do it for the sex. I actually thought I might have feelings for you." She glared at him in the eyes."But how can I love a soulless thing."  
  
It felt like she had just knocked him out. Like she had just torn his heart right out of his chest.  
  
She saw the hurt and sorrow in his eyes. She got up off of his chest and stood in front of him.  
  
"I could never love you. You must have forgotten. You're beneath me. And don't ever forget that." With that, she left his crypt. He sat up. He didn't know what to do. At least he had the sanity now not go after her with a gun. Then he decided what he was going to do.  
  
He went down to the bottom level. Grabbed a bag and started to toss clothes in it. He grabbed a bottle of Scotch and his pack of ciggerettes and put them in there with it.  
  
He took his bag and left for the motorcycle he had stolen from the hell gang. He needed something fast that could get him anywhere.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"That still doesn't answer my question about why you left. And where did you go anyway?" Buffy asked, curiously.  
  
"Would you just let me finish my story, luv. And in case you didn't notice, I was kind of brassed off by what you said."  
  
"Okay. Continue."  
  
******************************************************************  
  
He took the motorcyle and sped out of Sunnydale. The feel of the air in his face helped him calm down, but that wasn't going to change his mind. He needed to get away from it all. The gang, Buffy, the pain they have caused together. He needed a rest.  
  
He knew he only had about three hours until dawn, so he sped up. Weaving in and out between cars. He didn't know what the reaction he would get when reached his destination. He needed to think of some fast talking so he wouldn't get staked.  
  
He would figure it out when he got there.  
  
When he pulled into the hotel lot, he parked his bike around the side and walked inside.  
  
"Hello. Angel Investigations....Spike!" Cordy yelped."What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Where's Angel?"  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"Angel! You went there! I can't believe you. Of all the places, that was the last places I expected you to go."  
  
"Luv. If you keep interrupting I'm never going to finish." She crossed her arms on her chest in a pout.  
  
"Fine."  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"He's upstairs, trying to get Conner in bed. But why are you here?"  
  
"Woman troubles," he said simply as he walked up the stairs.  
  
"You! Now why don't I beleive that?" she said to herself as he walked up the steps.  
  
Gunn had come in the room.  
  
"Who's that guy?" he said, geusturing towards the stairs.  
  
"An old friend. Sorta."  
  
  
  
Spike slowly walked into the room. Angel had a little buddle in his arms. Angel felt his presence and looked up.  
  
"Spike!" he shouted before he could catch himself. Conner started to cry. Spike smirked.  
  
"Hello to you too."  
  
Angel gave him a look and tried to soothe the baby. When Conner stopped crying, Angel gently placed him in his crib. He slowly walked out of the room, giving one last glance at Conner before closing the door behind him. He gave Spike another look.  
  
"My office." He led Spike into his office and sat at the desk.  
  
"Why are you here?" he asked before Spike even sat down. Spike made a big deal of making himself comfortable, then settled down.  
  
"I needed to get away from some stuff."  
  
"Like...."  
  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
  
"Try me," Angel said stubbornly, crossing his arms on his chest.  
  
"Before I tell you, can you promise me a place to stay for a few months?"  
  
"Sure. I guess."  
  
"I was sleeping with Buffy. I needed a break."  
  
Spike watched Angel's jaw drop. He saw the surprise on his face and in his eyes. He smirked. He expected him to start yelling. But, he just sat there with a look of complete astonishment.  
  
"Okay. I wasn't expecting that. When...did this all....start."  
  
"After Buffy....came back. She was having mixed feelings. I think. Anyway she couldn't talk to anyone else, so she came to me. I was just as surprised at you are. First we kissed. Then we kissed again......Then we brought the house down. Literally."  
  
Angel just sat there. He had stopped showing emotions. He had just needed to get over the first blow. He looked like he was thinking about it.  
  
"Well. We were together, but she didn't want to tell anyone. She said her friends wouldn't like it. Like I was just some secret she had to keep. I got tired of it. We had a big fight last night, and I left."  
  
Again, Angel just sat and listened. He knew that wasn't everything that had happened, but he didn't ask. He was never one to push.  
  
"You can stay here. For as long as you want. But, I'm going to need you to actually get along with everyone. If you make trouble. You're gone. Clear?"  
  
"Crystal."  
  
Spike stayed there for about a month before he tried to contact them. He was surprised when Buffy, or at least Dawn, hadn't called Angel to try and find him. And he wanted to keep it that way. When he called the first time, he used a payphone.  
  
"Hello?" It was Buffy.  
  
"Hey, luv." He said smiling at the sound of her voice.  
  
"Spike! Oh my god, where are you?" she sounded frantic.  
  
"I'm fine, pet. I'm staying with a friend. Alot was going on. I just needed a vacation from it all."  
  
"So you leave. Without telling anyone?" she sounded about in tears. His smile faded.  
  
"Well, I didn't think you'd miss me much, considering the fight we had the night I left."  
  
"Is that all you think about? Me. What about Dawn? She was really worried sick about you. She thought you might be dead. As in gone forever and never coming back." She was crying now. She was shouting each word. Spike felt bad that he had hurt Dawn, but she needed to understand why she left.  
  
"Luv, I couldn't do it. I could just be with you behind everyone's back and pretend like nothing was going on. They gang up on me. Especailly the Whelp. They say I never have a chance. And you sit there and let them do it! The only ones I thought were sane were Nibblet and maybe Tara. The rest of them were going off their rocker. Willow and her magic. Whelp and Anya and their wedding. You and your blame and sorrow and reasons why what happenes to everyone else shouldn't matter to you!" He immediatly regreted his words the second they left his mouth. He heard Buffy start to sob as she hung up on him.  
  
"Good going, you bloody wanker," he cursed himself. He hung up the phone and headed back to the hotel.  
  
When he got back, he ran up to his room and sat on the bed. He pulled the Scotch out of his bag and took a long swig. Then, placed it back in his bag.  
  
Cordiela walked into the room, Conner in her arms.  
  
"What's wrong? You came in and stomped up the stairs like you were mad at the world," she said as she took a seat on the bed and placed Conner on his stomach.  
  
"Close enough. Buffy hates me. She thinks I did this just because I wanted to hurt someone," his anger was building up, but his anger quickly disappeared when he watched Conner giggle and cue on his stomach. He grabbed a hold of Spike's finger and started sucking on it. Cordelia watched as a smile appeared on Spike's face.  
  
Then Conner bit him.  
  
"Ow," he jerked his hand away,"You little bugger."  
  
Conner started to cry. Cordy picked up the crying child and rocked him.  
  
"Sorry bout that. He's getting his teeth and likes to bite," Cordy said when she had calmed Conner down.  
  
"Do you want to hold him?" she said, holding Conner out. Spike hesitated.  
  
" Oh what's wrong? The big bad afraid of a baby? He won't hurt you. Just stay away from his mouth," she said laughing. She handed Conner to Spike. Spike took the child into his arms. The baby looked at Spike with his big eyes.  
  
"He is a cute bite-size," he said smiling at the child. He didn't even notice Angel walk into room. Angel just hung back in the doorway, watching Spike hold Conner.  
  
"He takes well to you," spoke Angel. Spike's head jerked up. He quickly gave the baby back to Cordelia.  
  
"Yeah. But the little bugger bit me first." He leaned back against head board.  
  
"Just as long as you don't bite back," said Angel. Spike smirked.  
  
  
  
Spike staid with Angel for about six months. He would have gone back earlier, but he was getting used to life in LA. It distracted him from the reason he came in the first place. He called Sunnydale many more times, but the conversation never lasted long and he usually got hung up on. He finally decided that this wasn't going to work. So he went back.  
  
  
  
When he reached Sunnydale, it was almost sunrise so he decided to take a run past Buffy's house. Just to look, then go back to his crypt.  
  
When he passed the house, the lights were off. There were no signs of life coming from it. He shrugged it off and left for his crypt, hoping to run into Buffy while she was on patrol. When he didn't see her, he just went inside.  
  
It didn't look like anyone had been there, so he knew no one had tried to take anything, which is what usually happens when a crypt is left. It's stripped of anything of value.  
  
He went down the ladder and threw his stuff on the bed, when something caught his eye. It was a piece of paper laying on the floor. He picked it up and unfolded it. When he read it, his unbeating heart broke.  
  
  
  
Dear Spike,  
  
Hi. This Dawn. Look, I can't say much, Buffy would kill me if she knew I was here. If your reading this, I know you came back. But it was to late. We're leaving. Buffy has packed her bags and we're leaving tomarrow. She didn't tell me where we are going. But this is the thing. Willow is dead. She was out getting something and was stabbed and robbed. Tara couldn't take it. She fled to London to live with Giles. Hoping to find some peace I guess. Anya turned back into a vengence demon. Then Xander left too. He said he would be around, but he needed some space. He didn't give us much of a clue where he was going, but he said he would call. When everyone was gone, Buffy decided there were too many memeories in the house and this town. She didn't want to remember, just to forget. So we are leaving. I wish I could say where we are going. I don't know. I gave you a picture so you wouldn't forget me. I hope I see you again. Try not to get into trouble.  
  
  
  
Love ya,  
  
Dawn  
  
  
  
P.S.- Buffy missed you. I saw her stuff one of your T-shirts in her bag. If their's one thing she didn't want to forget, I guess it was you.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"I can't believe she wrote that. And I can't beleive she told you that," said Buffy.  
  
"Actually, luv. If she hadn't you wouldn't be looking at me right now. That one hope that you didn't hate me was what kept me alive."  
  
Buffy got up and sat next to him.  
  
"Let me try and clean up your face while you finish the story," she said, reaching for her bag.  
  
"Whatever you say, luv."  
  
******************************************************************  
  
After he read the letter, wanted to call London. He wanted to talk to somone who he knew didn't hate him. Hopefully. But he didn't have a phone and the sun was rising.  
  
"Bloody hell! Can this day get any worse?" he he threw his arms in the air. He tried to sleep, but if he fell asleep, he would have nightmares, so he mostly stayed up the whole day. He was getting lonley. It had been so long since he had seen or touched Buffy that he was going mad.  
  
  
  
When the sun reached the horizon at on un-leathal piont, he fled for the nearest payphone and punched in Giles number.  
  
"Hello?" he heared a female voice.  
  
"Tara?"  
  
"Spike?!" she almost screamed. Giles came up behind her.  
  
"Who is it?" he asked, but she waved her hand at him dismissivly.  
  
"Yeah. It's me, pet. Look. I knokw everything that has happened since I left."  
  
"Oh," he heard her vioce drop in a whisper.  
  
"I'm sorry. Din't mean to bring back old memories. I just need to know if you know where Buffy is."  
  
"Oh. No. I don't know. She didn't tell anyone where she was going. She just called to tell everyone she loved them and left."  
  
"Dammit. I need to find her, Tara. I need to talk to her. I need Nibblet, too. I love them. I can't live without them," Tara heard his voice fade. She wanted so badly to comfort him, but she could only listen.  
  
"I wish I could help you. But...I-I just...don't know." Spike noticed her voice starting to stutter. She only did that when she was getting nervous.  
  
"Are you sure you don't know anything, pet. Cause if you do, I need to know."  
  
"N-no. I'm sure. Look I've got to go. Bye." She hung up on him.  
  
Tara turned back to Giles.  
  
"That was close. I almost told. Giles, I can't do this. If he calls again I can't just not tell him. It's not right. He's so sad."  
  
"Tara. We promised Buffy. She needs to be alone."  
  
  
  
Spike looked at the phone befor slamming it on the hook, breaking it off in the process.  
  
"Bloody hell!" He decided he needed a drink and headed to the bar.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"And that's how it went for awhile. I got drunk during the night and suffered massive hang-overs during the day. I just couldn't deal with the pain that they weren't telling me where you were. Hey! That hurt," he shouted when Buffy was cleaning a cut on his forhead.  
  
"Big baby," she said under her breath, but just enough for Spike to hear. She put a bandage on the cut and put her first-aid stuff up.  
  
"There. The bruises should be gone by day after tomarrow. If you're lucking. You really let that guy give you a beating, didn't you?" she said, looking into his eyes.  
  
"It numbed the pain. Distracted me. More than I could have asked for until you came along and saved my ass." He gave her a smile.  
  
She smiled back. She didn't know hwo much it ment to him just to see her smile.  
  
"So. How long have you been here? Just today or what?" he asked her.  
  
"I've kind of been following you for about a week. I wanted to see you. It's been so long."  
  
"Isn't that a change of pace. You stalking me instead of the other way around."  
  
"I wasn't stalking you! I just wanted to see how you were keeping up. Like I said, it's been awhile."  
  
"Yeah. It has. Well, Slayer. I did my part of the deal. Now it's your turn. What all happened to you? Where did you go? Oh and where's Nibblet?"  
  
"I'll answer all your questions. Just let me talk."  
  
"Go ahead." He leaned back on the bed and lit a ciggerette. It was going to be a long night. 


	3. Buffy's Story

"I'll just start when the fight ended, kay?"  
  
"What ever you say, luv."  
  
  
  
~FlashBack~  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
"Oh god, what have I done?"  
  
After she had stomped out of his crypt, she immediatly regreted everything she had said in there. She wanted to go back, but then she remembered everything he had said to her, and kept walking.  
  
When she got back to her house, Willow was in the living room doing some homework.  
  
"Hey Buffy. What's wro...." She stopped when Buffy didn't answer her. She listened to her slam the door to her room. She sighed.  
  
  
  
In Buffy's room, she flopped down on the bed. She stared at the ceiling for a matter of seconds, then burst into tears. She hadn't cried this much since Angel. It hurt so much.  
  
Willow showed up in the doorway. She walked over to her friend and placed a comforting hand on her arm.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked. Even though she kind of had a clue. But, Buffy didn't know that.  
  
"I...We...Nothing," she finally gave up. She had stopped crying and just layed on the pillow.  
  
"Buffy. You have to tell me. I can't help unless you tell me."  
  
"Will....I have...something...to tell you."  
  
"I'm all ears."  
  
"I....I'm.....I-I'm-sleeping-with-Spike," she said the last part in a rush. She stole a glance at Willow, amazed to see that she was smiling. She sighed.  
  
"What? Did you think I would be mad? Buffy, this isn't like you. You've never cared about what other people think about you."  
  
"But Willow you can't tell."  
  
"What's the worst that would happen? Xander might be wigged but he can get over it. Giles will lecture, sure, but that's never stopped you before. And besides them I don't see why the others would apsolutly hate you for it."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No. Buffy this isn't healthy. You need some love in your life. And if the only way you can get it is to be with somone your friends hate, your friends can get over it."  
  
Suddenly, Buffy got off the bed and ran to the bathroom to throw up. Willow followed her and stood in the hall. When she heard the toilet flush, she walked into the bathroom. Buffy was leaned against the wall. She had dark circles under her eyes and her face looked pale.  
  
"I don't know what to do, Will. It's just too much to comprehend."  
  
"Go talk to him. Work something out. Your strong. But this isn't something you can just kill and make go away. Love is just that. And you need it. Especailly now."  
  
There was a silence between the two. Buffy remembered how scared Dawn was of her after her psycho inncident. She knew she wouldn't trust her for a long time.  
  
Buffy looked up and flashed Willow a weak smile.  
  
"How did you get so smart? I mean, you've always been brain smart. But why do I feel like you know me more than I know myself."  
  
Willow looked at her hands.  
  
"Well, there's something to it, actually."  
  
"What do you mean," Buffy said, sitting up.  
  
"Well. You know....when I brought you back. Well your soul....had to pass through me.....in order to get to your body. When you went through me, I sort of got a breif discription of your life. No personal details. Just a view of the main events in your life. Like, your parents getting divorced, you becoming the slayer, you having to go to the institue for a few days, you falling in love .......with humans and vampires...."  
  
"You knew all that. You knew I would go for another vampire and you didn't tell me," she said angerly. She was mad, but weak, so she couldn't yell very loud.  
  
"See. The thing is. I knew you would because it was in your history. Which means you already did........But there's more."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"When you went through me....I also got a veiw of your future. And I don;t know how its going to go down, but I do know that it's going to get alot worse....before it gets better."  
  
Buffy stared at her in the eyes. To Willow, she looked so lost. Like a child. And all Willow could do was comfort and hold. But that's it. She couldn't change what had happened or what was going to happen. She wrapped Buffy in a big hug.  
  
"But, Buffy. You can make it better. You can go talk to him. I won't tell. But if you decided otherwise, I'll talk to everyone else."  
  
They stayed there for a few minutes. Then Buffy gave Willow a quick squeeze and climbed to her feet.  
  
"I'll do it. If you think it will make it better, I'll do it."  
  
Willow's lips curled up into a grin.  
  
"That's great."  
  
Buffy turned to walk down the steps, then turned around.  
  
"Did Xander ever tell you about the talk he gave me the night Riley left?"  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"No reason." As she walked out the doore she mumbled under her breath," I guess great minds do think alike."  
  
  
  
Buffy decided she needed to blow off any access steam before going and talking to him. She dusted five before heading to Spike's crypt.  
  
When she got there, she noticed the door was wide open. She walked in.  
  
"Spike," she called out. No answer. She slid down the sides of the ladder, landing on the ground with a loud thump. She looked around. No one. His dresser had all of the drawers pulled out and the clothes were gone. She felt her knees buckle. She leaned on the ladder to support her.  
  
"He's gone," she whispered to herself.  
  
She slowly climbed the ladder. She went and sat down on his couch and layed back. She inhaled the scent of leather and ciggerettes which she had grown so acustom to. Tears brimmed her eyes and she cried herself to sleep.  
  
  
  
The next morning, Willow was walking through the cemetary. She knew Buffy needed her time with Spike to patch things up, but Buffy had a job and at the moment, that was the only source of income she had coming into their home.  
  
She walked into the open door. She didn't hear anything. She looked around the room, and noticed Buffy's small form curled up on the couch, asleep. She sat down gently next to Buffy and placed a hand on her arm.  
  
Buffy stirred at her touch. Her eyelids opened slightly, enough to see who was sitting next to her.  
  
"Willow?" she asked softly.  
  
"Yeah, Buffy. It's me. What happened?"  
  
Buffy's eyes started to tear-up again. Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.  
  
"He left. He left and didn't leave me a single clue on where he went. Just like the others." Her whimpers turned to sobs, which shook her body voilently. Willow wrapped her into a hug, letting her tears soak her shirt. She knew she could do nothing about what Buffy was feeling, all she could do was comfort and hold and assure he would be back.  
  
"Willow. I have to tell Dawn. Oh my god she is going to hate me. She's going to wonder what happened and then I have to tell her we were fighting and then she's going to say I made him leave."  
  
"Come on. Let's get you home so you can rest. I'll talk to Dawn."  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
"Red really said all that?" asked Spike, amazed by how much Willow had stood up for him.  
  
"Yeah. I was really glad we had that talk. She was there for me when I needed her. I can't believe she's...." Buffy let the sentence trail. Her eyes started to tear.  
  
"Okay, luv. Don't start the water works. You still have to finish your story."  
  
Buffy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.  
  
"Okay."  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
When they got back to her house, Willow helped Buffy up to her room and made her lay down.  
  
"I'll talk to Dawn. You just get some rest." She started to walk out the door.  
  
"Will."  
  
"Yeah," she said turning around.  
  
"Wel....thanks. You have been a big help and its not even your problem."  
  
"No problem. That's what friends are for."  
  
She walked out of the room and went downstairs.  
  
  
  
When Dawn got back from school that afternoon, Willow was waiting for her in the living room. Buffy had decided to go ahead to work late, so that she wouldn't have to be there when Dawn came.  
  
"Dawn," Willow called her into the room.  
  
"Yeah," she said, poking her head into the room.  
  
Willow patted the place next to her," Come sit down."  
  
Dawn obeyed. She put her backpack by the door and sat down next to her.  
  
"What's wrong, Willow? Is everyone okay?"  
  
"Well....yes and no."  
  
Dawn eyes got wide.  
  
"What happened? What's wrong with who? Willow tell me." Dawn was starting to get mad.  
  
"Well.....it's Spike. He left."  
  
"What do you mean he left? He's gone. When is he coming back? Where'd he go?" asked the frantic teen. Willow wrapped Dawn in a hug. Dawn started to cry.  
  
"We don't know. He left last night. He didn't say where he was going or when he was coming back. ........Him and Buffy had a big fight."  
  
Dawn sat straight up. Her eyes went fron scared to angry at light speed.  
  
"What did she say to him? What did she do?"  
  
"She didn't do anything. They had a fight. He needed a break from it all."  
  
"All of what? From us? From me?" Her eyes clouded over again.  
  
"No. Not you, Dawnie," she wrapped Dawn in another hug.  
  
"I can't tell you everything. But I can tell you one thing. Maybe, when Buffy get's back from work. You can talk to her. By that I mean no yelling or screaming or accusing, and maybe you can get some more info from her."  
  
Dawn didn't say anything. She just cried. Spike was her only true friend. And now he's gone.  
  
"When do you think he'll be back?" Dawn asked, looking hopfully at Willow.  
  
"I don't know. I just don't know."  
  
  
  
When Buffy got back from work, she was exhausted. She trudged up to her room and flopped down on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. She started to drift to sleep, when there was a knok on her door.  
  
"Come in," she called, not even looking up. Dawn walked into the room. She was wringing her hands nervously. Making sure she didn't lose her cool.  
  
"Buffy?" She looked up to Dawn. She immediatly knew Willow had old her.  
  
"What do you need?" she asked softly.  
  
"Well....Willow said if I was really nice and didn't yell, you might tell me more about why Spike left. And please tell me everything. I'm not a little kid, I don't need you leaving out important details."  
  
Buffy though about it for awhile, then sat up. She crosed her legs and motioned for Dawn to sit in front of her.  
  
They sat in a slience for a few minutes while Buffy tried to think of how to tell her.  
  
"So......what happened?" asked Dawn. Buffy thought of lying, but she knew Dawn would just be madder.  
  
"Well....we...what exactly did Willow tell you?" she asked.  
  
Dawn sighed deeply.  
  
"She toldl me that Spike left because you two had a fight and he needed to take a break. Now what I want to know is what does he need a break from and what did you two fight about."  
  
"Well.....we....we're sort of.....together."  
  
"You mean like having sex."  
  
Buffy was surprised at how bluntly Dawn had put it.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I knew it!" Dawn said gleefully. Again, Buffy was surprised at her reaction.  
  
"Oh come on. I may be young but I'm not blind. All the late patroling. The way you two act when your within ten feet from each other. I can almost sense the tension. The way you look at each other. It's way obvious." Dawn's anger had vanished. She enjoyed saying 'I told you so' to her sister. Just in more words.  
  
"Do you guys talk about this behind my bak or something?" asked Buffy.  
  
"No. I just spend enough time around you two that I start to notice the way you act around each other. I'm a teenager, I notice these things."  
  
Buffy just stared at her in amazment. She was hoping Dawn would forget about the fight. That's where she would get mad. No such luck.  
  
"So. Why were you fighting?"  
  
"Well. He was mad because I wouldn't tell anyone. I was afraid everyone would get mad. I was also kind of kusing him."  
  
Dawn immediatly got mad again.  
  
"How were you using him?"  
  
"Well. I was really hurting. And I had all this energy from keeing my feelings to myself that the only way to let it out was to go to him. And it wasn't always.....sex......sometimes we would spare. Sort of. We would fight. Phsyicaly. And sometimes he really let me hurt him."  
  
"So that's how he got all those cuts and bruises on his face at your birthday party. I can't believe you did that to him." She got of the bed. She forgot all about talking calmly.  
  
"He loved you and you treated him like dirt. And now he's gone. What if he's dead? What then? He was my friend. My only friend. And he loved you. How could you do that to him?" Dawn was starting to cry. So was Buffy.  
  
"I don't know, Dawn. The way he could get under my skin. The way he made me feel. It scared me. I didn't want to be hurt again. And, on top of that, I had just died. I was pulled from heaven, Dawn. I'll admit, I was mad. But he made me feel alive. Like I had never died. I was using him as medicine for my pain. And he was mad because I didn't telling anyone. He was happy that he could make me feel better, but he didn't want to do in secret." She started to sob as she layed back on the bed. Dawn stared at her sister in amazment. The she sat softly next to Buffy on her bed.  
  
"B-Buffy? I'm sorry. We didn't know you were in heaven. And I could have been more understanding. I'm still mad, but I understand why you did it." Buffy's cries subsided. She wrapped Dawn in a huge hug. They cried together for a few minutes. Buffy held Dawn at arms length.  
  
"We will find him. I promise."  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
"I told you LilBit knew. She's not stupid."  
  
"Shut up. We're exchanging stories not 'I told you so's'."  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
They called everone they knew. Buffy even beat up Willy to try and get something out of him. Nothing. Buffy didn't even think to call Angel.  
  
After about two months, they began to give up. Dawn always had hope, but she had stopped looking.  
  
  
  
Then. Everything came crashing down.  
  
  
  
They were having a party. It was Tara's birthday and everyone was there. They were having a great time, even though Buffy and Dawn were missing Spike's rude remarks about Xander and the way he could piss everyone off at the same time. But they were getting over it. A little.  
  
"So, Tara. You ready to eat?" asked Xander.  
  
"Sure. What's cooking?"  
  
"Well, we bought everything, so nothings cooking. But we ordered pizza."  
  
"Oh. Great. What kind?"  
  
"Peperoni and extra cheese," said Dawn, walking in the room with the pizza.  
  
"My favorite."  
  
"Dammit," cursed Buffy from the kitchen.  
  
"What is it, Buff?" asked Xander.  
  
"We forgot the drinks. Hey, Will. You want to go get some from the convenance store down the street?"  
  
"Sure." She grabbed her purse and coat.  
  
"I'll be back in a few," she called. She walked out of the house. She walked down the street to the store. She came out with a bottle of Coke and a rose she bought for Tara.  
  
She was walking down the street, when she felt herself be pushed to the ground.  
  
"Hey!" she yelled. Then she felt a gun being placed by her head.  
  
"Give me your money!" demanded a low voice. Willow was scared. She reached for her purse and gave it to the person.  
  
"Please let me go," she pleaded. The person took out her wallet and counted the money. She only had about fifty.  
  
"That's not even enough for your life." With that he shoved a large knife into her back. Willow gasped as she felt the knife peirce her heart. The person stabbed her a second time. A third. When he was satisfied she was dead, he dragged her into the bushes and left her.  
  
  
  
Back at the house, everyone was getting worried.  
  
"Where could she be?" asked Tara.  
  
"The store was just down the street," said a pacing Buffy. She had picked up the bad habit from Spike.  
  
"Maybe we should call the police," suggested Anya.  
  
"No. Let's wait a few more minutes. She might have just been stalled. I'll go and check the store."  
  
Buffy walked down to the store and back. Since Willow's body was in the bushes, Buffy never saw her.  
  
When she got back, she was frantic.  
  
"She not there. Call the police."  
  
  
  
"We'll call you if we learn anything," said the police as they walked out the door. They had come and the gang had given them a desciption of what she was wearing and a picture.  
  
"I'll take a sweep of the cemetary," said Buffy. She looked everywhere twice. She even checked Spike's crypt. Nothing.  
  
  
  
The next day. Everyone was at home, but no one had slept. They were afraid of what had happened to Willow.  
  
Then came the phone call.  
  
The phone was ringing. Dawn aswered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello. Is Buffy Summers there? This is the Sunnydale Police Department."  
  
"Is it about Willow? Have you found her?"  
  
"Please let me speak to Miss Summers."  
  
"Fine," Dawn huffed. She yelled for Buffy.  
  
"Who is it?" asked Buffy, taking the phone.  
  
"The police department." Buffy's eyes widened as she took the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Is this Miss Buffy Summers?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well. We think we may have Miss Willow Rosenburg."  
  
"Is she okay? Where is she?"  
  
"I'm sorry. She is dead. She was stabbed three times and robbed."  
  
Buffy froze in shock.  
  
"Miss Summers?"  
  
Buffy dropped the phone. She fell against the wall as tears spilled over her eyes.  
  
"Buffy? What's wrong? What happened?" Dawn was shouting now.  
  
"She's dead," whispered Buffy.  
  
"What?! No. NO! She can't be. She can't be dead?" Dawn started to cry. "There has to be a mistake. It's somone else. It has to be!"  
  
Buffy climbed to her feet and hugged Dawn.  
  
"Oh god, Dawn. I am so sorry." Then she remembered the phone.  
  
She reached down and picked it.  
  
"H-hello? Are you sure it's her?"  
  
"Almost. You have to come and identify the body, though."  
  
"The body," Buffy whispered. She remembered the paramedics refering to her mother as 'the body'.  
  
"Yes. Of course. I'll be there in a minute." She hung up the phone.Then her knees buckled under her as she passed out.  
  
"Buffy!" screamed Dawn. She picked up the phone and called Tara.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Tara! You have to come over. Buffy passed out. And .....we have to tell you something."  
  
"I'll be right over. Put a cold washcloth on her forehead."  
  
"Okay. Hurry." She hung up the phone. She kneeled down next to Buffy.  
  
"Come on. Wake up, she said shaking her. She ran into the kitchen and ran cold water over a rag. She placed it on Buffy's head.  
  
"Come on, Buffy. We'll get through this. Don't go catatonic on us again."  
  
She heard the door open and shut.  
  
"In here!" shouted Dawn.  
  
"What happened?" Tara asked as she kneeled next to Buffy.  
  
"She was on the phone......with the police," she said the last part in a whisper. Tara looked at her, fear in her eyes.  
  
"She's dead," said Dawn, talking about Willow. Tara froze. She wanted to scream. To curse whoever had done this to her lover. But her first priority was Buffy. She took some smelling salts out of her purse and waved them under her nose. Buffy stirred. Her eyes fluttered and opened. She saw Tara looking down at her.  
  
"Oh, Tara," she said, wrapping Tara in a hug. She started to cry also. They sat on the floor, crying over Willow. Buffy pulled Dawn into the hug too.  
  
"We have to tell the others," said Tara through her sobs.  
  
"Yeah. Call Xander. And don't forget Giles. He deserves to know."  
  
  
  
The funeral was a week later. The gang was there, even Giles who had flown in to pay his respects. They dressed her in her favorite shirt and skirt. Her parents had flown in also. The man who had stabbed her was never found.  
  
Tara was so torn up she decided she couldn't stay in Sunnydale. She asked Giles if she could go and live with him in London. He agreed since he had an extra room and it would be nice to have some company.  
  
A few months, and everyone was back to their normal schedule. Buffy had quit her job and convinced Anya to give her a job at the Magic Box so that she could pick up Dawn everyday after school and keep an eye on her. It was hard, but hse managed. She visited Willow's grave everyday. Putting a new rose by the head stone so that it was always colorful.  
  
The gang gave Tara a call every weekend, to make sure she was coping. She was becoming a very powerful witch. Not as powerful as Willow, she made sure of that, but she used her powers to help the council with the vampire population in London.  
  
Xander didn't cope as easily. He had known Willow all his life and he just refused to get on with his life, no matter how much everyone comforted him. Anya complained about how she wasn't getting any love from Xander. They would fight. Anya was lonely. They grew farther apart.  
  
Then D'Hoffryn made Anya an offer. He said he would make Anya immortal, but not a vengence demon.  
  
The price.  
  
She had to leave Xander and live in Europe to trane new vengence demons.  
  
She thought about it. Talked it over with everyone. And decided to take D'Hoffryn up on his offer. She left.  
  
Xander was devasted. His best friend was dead and his lover was immortal and hundreds of thousands of miles away. He became depressed. Buffy and Dawn tried to comfort him, but they were hurting just as much.  
  
Just for different people.  
  
Buffy tried to keep the Magic Box open, but she just wasn't very good at running the store. She had to shut it down. She still used the training room to train and the books for research, but the store was out of buisness. She had to take her job at the Doublemeat Palace again.  
  
  
  
Then Xander decided he couldn't stay. He said there were too many memories and he could be here. Buffy begged him to say. He was her only friend she had left besides her sister. He didn't listen. He left Sunnydale with a promise he would call.  
  
He never did.  
  
When everyone was gone, the Summers girls were beyond depressed. Buffy was on the verge of getting fired and Dawn was expelled from school for starting fight with kids at school. The money was short and Buffy was about to lose the house.  
  
  
  
She decided to leave, also. She called Giles to tell him. He sent her a check in the mail for five thousand dollars. To get her life rolling where ever she went.  
  
She thought about running to Angel, but relized that could just make it worse. So she bought plane tickets and she and Dawn moved to Florida. They bought a small house and Buffy got a job at yet another fast food restraunt. But this was a better one. Danw liked the food they served so they didn't have to worry about dinner every night. Her job paid good money and she managed to give Dawn a better life. She made new friends and went to a new school.  
  
Buffy even managed to go to court with her father for child support which he hadn't paid in awhile. That brought an extra seven hundred dollars into their house every week.  
  
On Dawn's eighteenth birthday, Buffy let her have a beach party with some of Dawn's new friends.  
  
Then, Dawn met a guy. His name was Jake Medson. Buffy had met him. He was really nice. Dawn thought the world of him. The went out just about every night. The went to the same college. But Dawn still lived at home instead of in dorms. She knew Buffy needed her.  
  
Tara had called Buffy and told her Spike was back and looking for her. But, Buffy decided life was too good and she couldn't ruin it because she needed someone. She knew she would return someday to Sunnydale. Just not today. She needed to be alone.  
  
  
  
When Dawn was nineteen, Jake proposed to her. She said yes. Buffy was very happy for her. It took everything she had not to try and contact Spike.  
  
  
  
A few months later Dawn was Mrs. Medson. They had had a wedding on the beach. Buffy had been Dawn's Maid of Honor. Dawn moved in with him. Buffy was happy for them. She became friends with Jake's parents. They made sure Dawn and Jake had everything they needed.  
  
  
  
A few months after they got married, Dawn found out she was pregnet. Nine months later, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She named her Gabrial Lynn Medson. She was healthy in every way. She had Jake's blonde hair and Dawn's brown eyes.  
  
  
  
After that happened, Buffy knew she had to contact Spike. She knew he would want to know. So she bought a round ticket to Sunnydale.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
"And that's when I saw you," she said, finishing her story.  
  
"I can't believe Nibblet got hitched. And pregnet. And you didn't even try to contact me."  
  
"I didn't want you to know where I was. I was afraid if I talked to you would convince me to come back. And I couldn't leave Dawn. Not then."  
  
"Well. Now you came. Are you just going to go or what? You said you bought a round ticket."  
  
"Well. I actually two tickets. I bought a round ticket for me, and a one-way for you. They're both at night. I want you to see Dawn. And Gabrial. You deserve to see them." Spike was surprised. But then he smirked.  
  
"I also want to see this bloke, Jake. Does anyone else know?"  
  
"Tara and Giles do. They came in when Dawn had Gabby. That's her nickname. They flew in for two nights, but then they had to go. Xander doesn't know. I couldn't find him."  
  
"When does this flight leave?"  
  
"Tonight."  
  
"What time?"  
  
"In about two hours."  
  
"Well, then. We had better get movin'" 


	4. Making It Better

They left for the airport about an hour later, making sure the sun was at a safe level. The ticket seats were right next to each other in the middle. A little girl was sitting on the other side of Spike.  
  
She was really getting on his nerves.  
  
"Hey Mister, what happened to your face?" she said in a sing-song voice.  
  
"I got hit," Spike replied. He was tired and trying to sleep.  
  
"Who hit you?"  
  
"A guy," he said irritated.  
  
"Why'd he hit you?"  
  
"Cause he mad."  
  
"Why was he mad?  
  
"Why do you ask so many questions?" he asked sitting up and looking the little girl in the eyes, his face inches from hers.  
  
"Down boy," said Buffy. She yanked on the collar of his duster to get him to sit back.  
  
"Is she your girlfriend?" asked the little girl.  
  
"No!" said Buffy loud enough for everyone to turn around facing her. Spike looked at her and rasied his brows.  
  
"You sure?" he asked her.  
  
"Positive."  
  
The flight ended about four hous later. It was ten o' clock and they were both jet lagged. Buffy found her car in the parking lot.  
  
"I'm gonna run by my place and get Gabby's jacket. She left it there."  
  
She drove down a road along the beach. Then turned into a drivway of a one story brick house with a black roof and a small front yard.  
  
"Nice little place you got here, luv."  
  
"Yeah. The landlord is really nice. He gave Gabby a puppy for Christmas. You'll see it later. It's a girl. Her name is Willow." Spike watched her eyes cloud over at the mention of Willow's name.  
  
"That was very nice of LilBit. To name her puppy after Red."  
  
"Yeah." She got out of the car and walked up to the door. Spike followed. Buffy unlocked the door and walked in.  
  
"Uh, Buffy? Hello." She turned around to Spike who was at the doorway.  
  
"Oh, sorry. You can come in." He walked through the door.  
  
"And don't forget to mention that to Nibblet. Don't need her honey to know I'm a vampire. Does he know about you?" he asked suspicously.  
  
"No. He doesn't. He knows I'm really strong. But he doesn't know I'm the Slayer."  
  
"What's the council have to say about you movin' down here?"  
  
"They don't like it very much. But Giles and Tara managed to get them of my back about it."  
  
They stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. They didn't know what to say to each other. So Spike broke it.  
  
"So. Am I staying here, or what? You bought me a one-way."  
  
Buffy's head jerked up. She had been in deep thought.  
  
"Oh. Yeah. Sure. You can stay in Dawn's old room. I'll show you where it is." She led him down a staircase in to what looked like the old basment.  
  
"Nice little room you fixed her up with."  
  
"Yeah. She wanted a bigger room than the one upstairs. So we fixed up the basement."  
  
The basment's floors were carpeted, the walls were painted, and there was a bed in the far corner.  
  
Buffy walked over to the bed and picked up a small jacket and folded it over her arm.  
  
"Okay. Let's go. I want you to see Gabby before Dawn puts her to sleep."  
  
The left the house and drove for ten minutes to a two story house, slightly larger than their old one in Sunnydale.  
  
"What's this bloke do?" asked Spike observing the house.  
  
"He's training in college to be a lawyer. But right now, he works as a secretary's assistant to a lawyer. That's enough money to get them a good house. And his parents are rich. So that's a bonus."  
  
They walked up to the door and Buffy rang the doorbell. Spike hid in the shadows.  
  
Dawn answered the door with a baby in her arms.  
  
"Oh. Hi, Buffy. How was your trip? By the way, where did you go?" she asked.  
  
"She didn't know where you were?" said Spike, surprised, stepping out of the shadows.  
  
"Spike! How did you get here? And what happened to your face?" she said, trying to give him a hug with out crushing Gabby. Buffy took the baby from Dawn so she could give him an actual hug.  
  
"I'll take her upstairs. Where's Jake?"  
  
Dawn released Spike from her grip and turned to Buffy.  
  
"He's at work. Why didn't you tell me you were going to Sunnydale?"  
  
"I wanted to surprise you."  
  
She headed back into the house and up the staircase, leaving Dawn and Spike on the front porch. He gave her a look over.  
  
"You've grown, LilBit. How old are you now?"  
  
"Almost twenty-one. Not counting key-years.........Where did you go? I mean, after you and Buffy had that fight."  
  
"She told you we were fighting?"  
  
Dawn nodded her head.  
  
"Oh. Well, I...uh. Went to LA."  
  
"You ran to Angel!" she said in surprise.  
  
"Yes! Why does that surprise everyone?" he asked. throwing his hands in the air.  
  
"Because you hate each other," she replied bluntly.  
  
"Well, things change. Being around me, you and big sis, of all people, should know that."  
  
"Hey! Don't get all mad. This should be a happy moment. Come on. Let's go see Gabby."  
  
She lead him up the steps, down a hallway, and into a room. The room was painted pink, purple, and white. There was a chair with a night table next to it in the far corner, and there was a crib in the middle of the room. Buffy was holding Gabby by the large picture window, humming a lulluby.  
  
She looked up when she heard them walk in. She smiled and walked over.  
  
"This is Gabby," Buffy whispered.  
  
Spike gazed down at the sleeping child. She looked so peacful and innocent. Spike caressed the baby's small face.  
  
Buffy gave Gabby to Spike. He held her small head. He could feel her breathing and her blood slowly rushing through her small veins.  
  
"She's three months old. Her birthday is the 5th of June," Dawn informed him.  
  
"She looks like you," he said, flashing her a smile.  
  
Just then, a puppy, Spike guessed was Willow, galloped into the room, barking and yelping.  
  
Dawn bent down and picked her up. She placed her hand over the dog's mouth.  
  
"Shh. You be quiet," she looked up at Spike,"This is Willow."  
  
Spike patted the dog on her head. She licked his hand.  
  
Gabby had woken up when Willow had bounded in making all that noise. She started to cry.  
  
"Okay, LilBit. Your the mum. You make her stop," Spike said, handing Gabby back to Dawn. She craddled Dawn in her arms and stroked her soft head, humming the song Buffy had been humming earlier. The baby soon stopped crying and cooed softly. Then she let out a small yawn and settled in Dawn's arms, closing her eyes and drifting to sleep.  
  
Dawn gently placed her back into her crib, kissing her softly on her head.  
  
"You've got the magic touch, don't you, Bit."  
  
"No. Just enough experiance as a mother to get a child to go to sleep."  
  
They walked out of the room and down the stairs.  
  
"Do you want to stay for dinner? Jake will be home in about an hour."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike and he shrugged.  
  
"Sure. I'm sure Spike wants to meet Jake."  
  
"Yeah, I'll bet he does,"said Dawn sarcastically  
  
  
  
While Dawn fixed dinner, Buffy and Spike sat in the living room at oppisite ends of the couch. Sometimes Buffy would steal glances at Spike, then look away when he turned around, feeling her stare. He would stare at her too. But he didn't look away when she looked back at him.  
  
"What?" she asked him when she caught him looking at her for the third time.  
  
"Just remembering how beautiful you looked before I left and how much more beautiful you look now."  
  
"Thanks," she said looking at her hands in her lap, which had become sweaty in a matter of seconds.  
  
"Uh, maybe Dawn needs help in the kitchen," suggested Buffy, jumping from the couch and leaving the room.  
  
He just shook his head as he got up and followed her.  
  
Buffy helped Dawn cook while Spike perched himself on the counter.  
  
"So, when's your honey gonna be home?" asked Spike.  
  
As if on cue, he heard the door open. They walked into the kitchen, Spike coming last.  
  
Dawn walked up to the young man and gave him a long kiss.  
  
"Hey, baby," he sad softly. Then he noticed Buffy standing there with someone he didn't recognize.  
  
"Oh, hi Buffy. Who's that?" he said indicating Spike.  
  
"Name's Spike. I'm an old friend."  
  
"Yeah," said Dawn, sensing the tension Spike was sending out."He was like a big brother to me when I was just a teenager. He and my sister were together," she saw Buffy's eyes widen," But they're not now." She paused."Are you?"  
  
Buffy's eyes got widder and she just walked out of the room in a huff. Spike just looked at the floor, grinning, then followed Buffy.  
  
"Don't worry. Just learn from my mistake, and don't bring it up," said Dawn to her stunned husband and followed suit. Jake just stood there for a second, then followed Dawn.  
  
  
  
They had dinner, and stayed a little while afterwards. Mainly it was Spike asking Jake questions and him answering. Buffy and Dawn found it amusing, so they just watched.  
  
Soon, 'not soon enough' Jake was thinking, Buffy and Spike had to leave.  
  
"Are you staying....with Buffy?" Dawn asked Spike hopfully. Buffy stepped in front of Dawn before Spike could reply.  
  
"Yes. He's staying in YOUR room," she emphasized the fact that he would not be sleeping anywhere near him.  
  
"Okay. I can take a hint," she said, putting her hands up in defeat. Buffy kissed her on the head and walked out. Spike gave Dawn a quick hug and held her at arm's length.  
  
"Maybe she'll come around," he said hopfully.  
  
"I heard that. And I have no intention of 'coming around'," Buffy called from outside.  
  
Spike shrugged and gave Dawn another quick hug and a kiss on the top of her head.  
  
"See you later, LilBit."  
  
And they left. Dawn closed the door behind him and turned to Jake.  
  
"Why does he call you LilBit. And Nibblet. And are you sure they aren't together?"  
  
Dawn gave a stiffled laugh.  
  
"Listen. They haven't seen each other for four years. And they were together before that. And the names, they were pet names."  
  
"But why Nibblet and LilBit?" he asked confused. Dawn stiffled another laugh.  
  
"You wouldn't understand."  
  
  
  
This time, in the car, they had a little more to say to each other.  
  
"So, do you like him?" Buffy asked Spike about Jake.  
  
"He's okay. It's not like I can do anything about it. LilBit likes him, so I guess I do to."  
  
"What do you think of Gabby?"  
  
"She's beautiful. She's gonna make a man happy when she get's older. She's a stubborn little bite, though. Takes after her aunt."  
  
"Can't imagine what she would be like if she was related to you," Buffy said under her breath, but Spike still picked it up.  
  
"Good wit and a smart ass. That's all she'd get from me."  
  
They pulled into Buffy's driveway. Buffy turned off the car and leaned against the seat, closing her eyes.  
  
"You okay, Luv?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah," she said, opening her eyes and opening the car door."Just thinking."  
  
They walked up to the house and went in.  
  
"You can go to sleep when you want. I'm beat, I need sleep," she said, dragging herself to her room.  
  
"Whatever you say, luv."  
  
He went down the stair case and turned on the light. He could smell Dawn's scent in the room. He could pick up Buffy's scent also. He walked over to the bed and sat down. He shrugged off his duster and shirt. Pulled off his boots and set them to the side. He layed back on the bed and started to think.  
  
He thought about everything that had happened in the last hour, the last day, the last four years. It seemed a little overwhelming. He remembered the way he felt while he was holding Gabby. He knew she was strong. It was in her blood. He could feel it.  
  
He was drifting to sleep. He didn't even notice the sound of the door opening and someone walking down the steps. Guess he didn't want to. Afraid he was imagining it.  
  
Buffy walked up to the side of the bed, watching his unmoving body. His chest still with no signs of breathing. She sat down next to him.  
  
He was fully awake, now. He played like he was asleep. Just to see what she would do.  
  
She caressed his face, running her hand around the remaining bruises, brushing a loose strand of hair behind his ear.  
  
She tucked her hair behing her ear and gave him a light kiss on the lips. His eyes opened.  
  
"What was that for, luv?"  
  
"Everything," she muttered bafore leaning down again and kissing him. This time the kiss was longer. Hungrier. Spike sat up as Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck. When the kiss was broken, Buffy was panting. She gave him a weak smile. He grinned back.  
  
"Do you know how many nights I laid awake, wishing I could touch you. To hold you. To tell you I love you." he said as more of a statment than a question.  
  
"Me too. I would have nightmares that I would never see you again. And considering how accurate my dreams can be, that really scared me," she said as her eyes started to glisten. Spike lifted her chin with his hand to make her face him.  
  
"I love you, Buffy. I will never leave you. I will be with you from now until the day you die." He gave her a light kiss on the lips.  
  
She looked into his piercing blue eyes that seemed to see right through her.  
  
"I know........I-I love you too."  
  
They just stared at each other for a few moments, then they both looked away.  
  
"You need to get to to bed," he said.  
  
"I like it here," she laid back down on the bed. She felt him wrap his strong arms around her waist as she drifted into a deep and peacful sleep.  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
